Do You Remember These - The Statler Bros.

Dreaming of Cheeseburgers

I think sleep is going to be hard to achieve tonight. They tell me to be at the hospital by 530 am to prepare for surgery at 730. I'll give it a whirl though . Maybe drop a zopiclone or two. Tomorrow will bring with it a lot of unknowns, and I have to admit my mind is beginning to contemplate all the different scenarios. I'm grateful that Dr Dixon has been preceded by his reputation. They tell me I'm in good hands.

All day its been chicken or beef broth, pepsi, gaterade and jello. When you've been a meat and veggy eater for so long as I have you can understand the torture I'm going through. Its tempting when you're at the fridge door, but Ohh I better not.. This close and all. ( yeah but ,, just a nibble on that cookie)( I said NO)

So Im checking over all the paperwork I've been given, and believe me there's quite a bit of it. The consent forms, the clinical trial forms, the surveys, the insurance forms, all the procedure forms , what to bring, what not to bring and so on. I shoulda made a checklist.. Better buckle up, its getting close to show time.

My family keeps me in line and Hollys coming down tonight to keep me focused. Thanks to everyone who sent me a card or a note wishing me a speedy recovery. They were very much appreciated.

Its only an illusion

I believe it was Einstein who said "physicists believe the separation between past, present and future is only an illusion, albeit a convincing one. It was a testament to his faith when he consoled the family of a departed friend. It only furthers my belief in how intricate and interwoven life as we know it is..

It's four days before I give myself up to the skilled hands of my surgeon. My blood's been typed and my wrist banded. Read up on all that I need to know, and I suppose other than the apprehension and the fear of the unknown, its a go.

I've stopped asking why me , and decided to put my faith in God and let Him guide the hands of the gallant warriors , who battle this disease day in and day out. If my will to be here for awhile prevails and it helps at all, so much the better..

Faith

Well here I'll let you talk to him yourself.. I take the phone thinking , its the surgeons office. Sure enough, she asks "Is this John ?" "It's Nicole from Dr Dixons office " She goes on to say its not '

much, but it's a few days sooner. There's been a cancellation on November 24 and would I like to move my date ahead . So I reply that if its not at the expense of someone else I'll take it. So now it appears my date with the doc is nov 24 instead of nov 28.. She'll keep trying for sooner she assures me and wants to know if everything that was to done is done. I have faith in these people.

All Things are Connected

O God, who gave to St. Peregrine an Angel for his companion, the Mother of God for his Teacher, and Jesus as the Physician of his malady, grant we beseech You through his merits that we may on earth intensely love our Holy Angel, the blessed Virgin Mary, and our Saviour, and in Him bless them forever. Grant that we may receive the favor which we now petition. We ask this through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.

crossed fingers

Check the caller ID and I don't recognize the number. Better answer I guess, might be them.

Sure enough she asks for me , I confess , and she tells me shes calling from Dr Dixon's office.

First thought that comes , "a new date for surgery". Nope, she goes on to ask me if I've given any thought to the trial procedure that the Doctor is heading up. It involves reattaching the pancreas to the stomach rather than the duodenum in an effort to minimize leakage. Caught me off guard. I would have liked an earlier date.

My last go round with my lung, I volunteered for a clinical trial, and it probably saved my life.

(it was inoperable) But for whatever reason, I'm apprehensive this time and I don't know why.

They also want tissue samples for a separate trial . That's no big deal I guess. When your mind

is occupied with so many things its hard to focus on what kind of legacy you might be able to leave for future patients. It's probably the right thing to do. They work in the philosophy that nothing will ever be done that will jeopardize me or the operation. Someone needs to point me in the right direction,

So when I asked if there was any chance of an earlier day, she replies that its noted on my file

"earlier date necessary" So my fingers are crossed, and that if it happens it wont come at the expense of somebody else.