Die Twinnies - Bayernmädels with English subtitles

A mischievous teen ager

If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred.
༺♥༻ Walt Whitman ╰დ╮❤╭დ╯
Teach me how to trust my heart ~ 
my mind,
my intuition,
my inner knowing,

the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things,
so that I may enter my sacred space
and love beyond my fear.
And thus walk in balance
with the passing of each glorious sun.
༺♥༻ Lakota Prayer ╰დ╮❤╭დ╯

A cold wind cut through me... It chilled my frightened soul... like an evil thing that knew me... A beast who sought control. Then white light poured around me... drowning the witching spell... I gave thanks the moon had found me, and sent the demon back to hell...

(Excerpt from a poem 'Moon Cloud' by Carl Johnson)

I think that when our Divine Creator chose the way to begin life , His infinite genius made things so complex and yet so methodical and orderly that all things were interlaced with all things. Life begins as a result of an interaction in all living things ; and when we search for meaning , the answer is never very far , when you open your mind and  let it find you. The beauty of all things created by God  is there for you and your soul  to behold and witness.  On the times when you don’t see it you lose a bit of yourself.But its always there  for you to take  back.

When we were given our station in this magnificent world , we were gave all the amenities , the resources and intelligence to sustain our selves and to prosper. What He chose not to give was immortality.  How we lived and reacted with our fellow man determined how long we had before He called you home.  He gave us clues and brilliant minds to find all the cures for all the ills that befall us as we travel through our life. Many are still out there to discover .All the comforts we have were destined to be found.. But there was never a guarantee He would see you through to a magic number that was meant just for you .  A lifetime can be any amount of time. but never infinite.  

So when my Brother in law Stan passed away, I dare not call it pre ordained , but rather on the frailties of our bodies . life can be so very fragile that when it stumbles because of a weak heart
and there is no one there to try and keep life sustained ,the soul must move on to the next stage
of its intended path. Stan was a good man and he will rest in peace of that I am sure. His place
beyond this mortal earth is full of peace and goodness. May God take him and give him his place in heaven..

Musings

When  looking at the vastness of the universe, we also have to recognize  the tiniest of  it's particles   the atom ,which in turn has formations of neutrons protons and electrons even tinier,. Atoms of course make up molecules, and molecules are the building blocks of elements. while all are forms of matter, depending on how they come together determines what we see as as a result of their grouping.A lot of solid matter is held together by chemical bonding making identifiable molecules impossible.

So depending on your viewpoint and where you are, the difficulty in determining what is out there is as hard as trying to see whats within. It may be easy to see the obvious, but impossible  to see beyond the surface , even with  mans powerful telescopes and microscopes. What does it  all mean. it means we are very dimensional in our thought and beliefs. To have no curiosity  or desire for the truth is denying yourself the understanding of , I don't know, creationism maybe. We search the galaxies for a sign of life while we search for the origins of our own beginnings within.

When our sun sends out solar flares the earth and ourselves are invisible to them. The energy released is
impossible to comprehend. And yet this cloud of electron, ions and atoms passes through us like we didn't
exist. Like that energy, we too move through the universe, continuously in motion, as big a part of it all as the sun itself.

It all seems pre ordained at times or perhaps cyclic. Since man himself declares that matter can neither be created  nor destroyed perhaps there was no beginning nor is there an end. Could we be transitioning through eternity?

There has never been a person like you before, there is not anybody else like you right now in the whole world, and there will never be anybody like you. Just see how much respect God has paid to you. You are a masterpiece ~ unrepeatable, incomparable, utterly unique. Even the hardest heart, the rock-like heart, will start melting in gratitude.
༺♥༻ Osho ╰დ╮❤╭დ╯

Birth and death are not two different states, but they are different aspects of the same state. There is as little reason to deplore the one as there is to be pleased over the other. 
~♥~ Mahatma Gandhi 

The Empowered Woman, she moves through the world
with a sense of confidence and grace.
Her once reckless spirit now tempered by wisdom.
Quietly, yet firmly, she speaks her truth without doubt or hesitation
and the life she leads is of her own creation.

She now understands what it means to live and let live.
How much to ask for herself and how much to give.
She has a strong, yet generous heart
and the inner beauty she emanates truly sets her apart.
Like the mythical Phoenix,
she has risen from the ashes and soared to a new plane of existence,
unfettered by the things that once posed such resistance.

Her senses now heightened, she sees everything so clearly.
She hears the wind rustling through the trees;
beckoning her to live the dreams she holds so dearly.
She feels the softness of her hands
and muses at the strength that they possess.
Her needs and desires she has learned to express.
She has tasted the bitter and savoured the sweet fruits of life,
overcome adversity and pushed past heartache and strife.

And the one thing she never understood,
she now knows to be true,
it all begins and ends with you.
༺♥༻ Sonny Carroll ╰დ╮

ANDREA BOCELLI (HQ) AVE MARIA (SCHUBERT)

9 reasons to ignore Mercola

9 Reasons to Completely Ignore Joseph Mercola

Published by Joseph Albietz under Public Health,Science and Medicine,Vaccines 
Comments: 238

Some of our more astute readers may have noticed that we are paying influenza slightly more attention than other topics of late.  That’s because this situation is new, rapidly changing, and covers more areas of science and medicine than one can easily count.  It’s also a subject about which the general public and media are keenly interested.  This is an outstanding learning and teaching opportunity for us as a professional community.  Unfortunately, it is also fertile ground for confusion, fear, and misinformation, and a playground for those who would exploit such things.

Mercola.com is a horrible chimera of tabloid journalism, late-night infomercials, and amateur pre-scientific medicine, and is the primary web presence of Joseph Mercola.  Unfortunately, it is also one of the more popular alternative medicine sites on the web and as such is uncommonly efficient at spreading misinformation.  I am not a fan, and have addressed his dross in the past.

Joseph Mercola has recently posted an excerpt from an individual he evidently holds in high regard, Bill Sardi.  Bill published “18 reasons why you should not vaccinate your children against the flu this season.”  Mercola chose his nine favorites (one would assume the nine best reasons), and re-posted it on Mercola.com.  There are so many mistakes, so much misinformation in so little space, it’s almost a work of art.  You know, like that crappy art that you might expect to find on the wall at an hourly motel.  Without further delay, let’s examine Mercola and Sardi’s nine best reasons for you not to vaccinate your children against influenza this season:

1.        The swine flu is simply another flu. It is not unusually deadly.

“Not unusually deadly.”  Oh good, then we can expect only ~36,000 people to die from it this year!  Why does that number not reassure me?

One could do an entire post on just this single misleading claim.  Oh wait, we have.   Suffice to say every influenza strain has unique characteristics, some subtle (like the differences between seasonal strains from 2005-2007), some glaringly different (like the pandemic strains of 1918, 1957, and 1968, or the H5N1 “bird flu”).  Saying something is “simply another flu” is nearly meaningless.

I’ll be charitable and assume he meant 2009 H1N1 is behaving like the average seasonal influenza.  Let’s see, it circulated during the Summer, when flu doesn’t circulate, is uncommon in the elderly, is disproportionately infecting and hospitalizing younger people, it has a much higher incidence of ARDS requiring mechanical ventilation and heart-lung bypass (ECMO) than its seasonal counterpart (Australia reported 68 cases requiring ECMO vs. 4 the prior year), and it has a population which under the age of 60 is nearly 100% susceptible.  Yep, sounds like any old flu to me.

Score: 0/1

2.        This is the first time both seasonal and pandemic flu vaccines will be administered. Both seasonal flu and swine flu vaccines will require two inoculations. This is because single inoculations have failed to produce sufficient antibodies. This is an admission that prior flu vaccines were virtually useless. Can you trust them this time?

Yes, this is the first time they will be co-administered because pandemic 2009 H1N1 didn’t exist before now.  Neither seasonal nor 2009 H1N1 vaccines will require two doses; both have been found to generate a sufficient immune response without a second dose.  The exception to this is in children 6 months to 9 years of age, who require a second dose of the 2009 H1N1 vaccine separated by 4 weeks, and two doses if it is their first time being vaccinated againstseasonal influenza.

Even when vaccines do require a second dose, this is not an admission that the vaccine is useless.  Basic (and I’m talking 101-level basic) immunology explains why some molecules and microbes are more immunogenic than others, and require repeated exposures to generate an adequate immune response.

Furthermore, administering multiple vaccines against multiple strains of influenza simultaneously isn’t exactly pushing the boundaries of science.  In fact, it’s status quo: the seasonal influenza vaccine is a trivalent vaccine, meaning that it has three different influenza strains in it.  This has been true every season since the last major shift in circulating seasonal influenza viruses.

Score: 0/2

3.        Adjuvants are added to vaccines to boost production of antibodies but may trigger autoimmune reactions. Some adjuvants are mercury (thimerosal), aluminum and squalene. Why would you sign a consent form for your children to be injected with mercury, which is even more brain-toxic than lead?

Adjuvants are indeed added to some vaccines, and that’s a good thing.  But it isn’t needed in this one, so it’s not there.  I think someone both wise and handsome covered this somewhere on this blog before…  Aluminum and squalene-containing compounds are the adjuvants most commonly used, and both are safe.  However, thimerosal isn’t an adjuvant, it’s a preservative to prevent bacterial contamination of the vaccine and keep it safe.  There is a subtle difference between a preservative and an adjuvant.  For those with sarcasm impairment, by “subtle difference” I in fact mean “blatantly obvious and inexcusable difference.”

And while we are on the topic of influenza vaccine and thimerosal, the single-dose syringes have no thimerosal.  Only the multi-dose vials contain any thimerosal, with each dose containing 25 micrograms of ethylmercury.  This 3.5 times less than what you would get from eating a single can of tuna (~87 mcg), is a form of mercury far more rapidly cleared than most environmental mercury exposures (methylmercury), and has been exonerated from suspicion as a cause of autism.

Score: 0/3

4.        This is the first year mock vaccines have been used to gain FDA approval. The vaccines that have been tested are not the same vaccines your children will be given. (Emphasis Mercola’s)

Wait, what?  “Mock” as in “fake?” You are going to claim something like that and give no source?  None?  Awesome.  Were that to be true, it would be beyond a scandal, it would be criminal, and I’d be right there beside you calling for prosecution.  Were it true.  Which it’s not.  The 2009 H1N1 vaccines were approved as a “strain change” to the seasonal influenza vaccine.   We change the strains almost every year, and the 2009 H1N1 vaccine that your child will be given has been subjected to the same testing as the yearly influenza vaccine prior to release.  Oh, and I’ll providesources.

Score: 0/4

5.        Over-vaccination is a common practice now in America. American children are subjected to 29 vaccines by the age of two. Meanwhile, veterinarians have backed off of repeat vaccination in dogs because of observed side effects.

Over-vaccination!  Don’t you just hate it when you just aren’t susceptible to quite enough diseases? Children are not subjected to 29 vaccines by the age of two, not even by adulthood.  There are 17 discrete vaccines (including 2009 H1N1) against specific viruses and bacteria on the routine schedule.  Some are combined together in a single injection (like Diphtheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis) to reduce the number of injections.

Where did this number of 29 vaccines come from?  If he meant 29 exposures to individually targeted viruses or bacteria or counting individual antigens he significantly undercounts.  He might come close to the highest number of individual injections a child could get if one avoids most combination vaccines, though given number of different combination vaccines available, the actual number varies.  No matter how you slice it, his number is wrong and misleading.

What about the veterinarian story?  He’s referring to “vaccinosis,” which is more or less “vaccines cause autism” for animals.  That veterinary vaccination schedules have changed is primarily due to a lack of good data in animals and the fact that vets care for widely varying species.  As vets learn more about the immunologic response in a particular species, they follow the evidence and alter their schedules.  This has no bearing on vaccination of humans.

Even if it were an accurate or relevant piece of information, the vets would not be alone in stopping the use of a vaccine due to observed side effects.  Emphasis here on the word “observed,” and not “imagined.”  For example, due to our standard post-licensure surveillance, within a year of its release the original rotavirus vaccine was found to causeintussusception in 1/10,000 children, and was rapidly pulled from the market.

Score: 0/5

6.        Modern medicine has no explanation for autism, despite its continued rise in prevalence. Yet autism is not reported among Amish children who go unvaccinated.

Ignorance of medicine, autism, vaccines, and the Amish, topped off by a non sequitur.  Wow.

Though the causes of autism are incompletely understood, modern medicine is making continual progress.   Studies of twins with autism, along with an increasing number of implicated genes show that autism has a very strong though complicated genetic basis.  Given autism’s heterogeneity, it is unlikely that a single cause will be found that explains all cases of autism, and it is possible that other factors beyond genetics may play some role.  Regardless of what etiologies are eventually found, some potential causes have been ruled out, including vaccines.

The apparent rise in autism prevalence is largely explained by a broadening in diagnostic criteria and increased recognition and diagnosis.  This explanation is further supported by studies like the one just published in the UKdemonstrating equal numbers of autistic people in all age groups.

As far as the Amish are concerned, they do vaccinate, and they do have children with autism.

Score: 0/6

7.        Researchers are warning that over-use of the flu vaccine and anti-flu drugs like Tamiflu and Relenza can apply genetic pressure on flu viruses and then they are more likely to mutate into a more deadly strain.

So close!  Antiviral drugs do place selective pressure on replicating viruses, and resistant strains can be produced.  However, drug resistance is not equivalent to virulence, and so his implication that use of antiviral medication will induce more deadly strains is unwarranted.

It is also irrelevant to his topic of “Why you shouldn’t vaccinate your children against influenza.”  If anything, his fallacious argument would support vaccination, because fewer children infected will mean fewer children taking antivirals.

It seems to be asking a lot to expect internal consistency.

Score: 0/7

8.        Most seasonal influenza A (H1N1) virus strains tested from the United States and other countries are now resistant to Tamiflu (oseltamivir). Tamiflu has become a nearly worthless drug against seasonal flu.

Again, half-truths.  Here’s the actual data:  Seasonal influenza A (H1N1) is 99.6% resistant to Oseltamivir.  However, seasonal influenza is typically comprised of three circulating strains, and the other two, A (H3N2) and influenza B, are 100% susceptible to Oseltamivir, as is 2009 H1N1.  That’s hardly “nearly worthless.”  Furthermore, seasonal influenza A (H1N1) is highly susceptible to the Adamantanes (though H3N2 and type B are resistant), and we have no resistance of any influenza to Zanamivir.  This is well known to physicians.  We are able to type the influenza a patient is infected with and tailor their therapy when necessary, and continually monitor the susceptibility of circulating strains as you can see on the CDC site.

And again, what does this have to do with vaccination?

Score: 0/8

9.        Public health officials are irresponsible in their omission of any ways to strengthen immunity against the flu. No options outside of problematic vaccines and anti-flu drugs are offered, despite the fact there is strong evidence that vitamins C and D activate the immune system and the trace mineral selenium prevents the worst form of the disease.

“Strong.”  I do not think that word means what you think it means.  While it is true that deficiency in Vitamin C, Vitamin D, and selenium can make you more susceptible to infection, (unlikely in a developed country, but possible), there appears to be no benefit in further supplementation in the general population. Furthermore, we have reason to suspect that blanket recommendations of the use of antioxidants like Vitamins C and D and selenium may cause an increase in mortality.

Public health officials do make recommendations other than vaccines and anti-virals to avoid contracting influenza.  You can find them right here.  The problem (from Mercola’s point of view) is that they only endorse effective interventions based on proper evidence.  When there is limited plausibility for an intervention to work, little evidence in favor of it, and significant evidence suggesting futility or even harm from its use as is the case with these supplements, the appropriate action is to not recommend its use.  Which as Mercola points out, is exactly what public health officials do.  Responsibly.

Score: 0/9

Ooooh, swing and a fumble, 9 strikes, you’re out!  Swing and a line fault?  Whatever, I’m rubbish with sports, kind of like Mercola and Sardi are rubbish at medicine.  Out of their “9 best reasons not to vaccinate your child,” none of them are valid, and two of them don’t even concern vaccination.  Every single point here is utterly wrong, wantonly ignorant, and one would almost think intentionally misleading.

If I sound upset, it is for good reason.  For while Mercola and Sardi, drowning in their arrogance of ignorance, spread their misinformation with the expressed intent of undermining the public trust in vaccination and modern medicine, my colleagues and I will be forced to deal with the aftermath. This season has already been an unpleasant one in my pediatric ICU.  During what is traditionally the slowest part of the year, we are running at near our capacity of 26 beds.  The fraction of our patients who are in the ICU with 2009 H1N1 has steadily increased since the school year began, from roughly 5-10% of our census being flu positive over the summer (which is odd in itself), to now between 30-50%.  The need for prolonged mechanical ventilation is common in these patients, we have needed to place three children on a heart-lung bypass machine (ECMO), and tragically we have had deaths.

My ICU experience is typical rather than exceptional.  If you have any interest in following this influenza season, the single best source of up-to-date information is the CDC’s FluView Weekly Update.  There you will see that the percentage of visits to the ED for influenza-like illness is markedly elevated above the expected baseline, that the number of lab-confirmed influenza hospitalizations has tripled in the last 5 weeks, that at the present, the very beginning of the traditional influenza season, the age groups between 2 and 64 years of age have met or exceededtheir average total number of influenza cases usually seen at the end of the season (~May).  Most depressingly, you can see the number of influenza-related pediatric deaths is growing, and growing rapidly.  Furthermore, this month’s JAMA has released studies from Canada, Australia/New Zealand, and Mexico describing their experience with critically ill patients with 2009 H1N1 that are similar to my own.

Most people who contract influenza are miserable for about a week, but recover, usually without the need for medical care.  The ICU experiences I relay here thankfully do not represent the population at large, but are meant to serve as a reminder that while you may not suffer from influenza this season, your neighbor may not be so lucky.  Influenza is a real threat, it deserves our respect, and our fellow citizens deserve to be properly informed and empowered to protect themselves and their loved ones. Influenza is not benign, and neither is the medical advice being distributed by Joseph Mercola.  The stakes are measured in human suffering and human lives, and Mercola bears responsibility for undermining the public health.

MRI

On my way to South calgary today for the second MRI of my lifetime. My fingers crossed.

Heavenly Father

A woman's highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite him with Source. Her lowest calling is to seduce, separating man from his soul and leave him aimlessly wandering.
A man's highest calling is to protect woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. Man's lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman."

Divinity

I think that when our Divine Creator chose the way to begin life , His infinite genius made things so complex and yet so methodical and orderly that all things were interlaced with all things. Life begins as a result of an interaction in all living things ; and when we search for meaning , the answer is never very far , when you open your mind and  let it find you. The beauty of all things created by God  is there for you and your soul  to behold and witness.  On the times when you don’t see it you lose a bit of yourself.But its always there  for you to take  back.

When we were given our station in this magnificent world , we were gave all the amenities , the resources and intelligence to sustain our selves and to prosper. What He chose not to give was immortality.  How we lived and reacted with our fellow man determined how long we had before He called you home.  He gave us clues and brilliant minds to find all the cures for all the ills that befall us as we travel through our life. Many are still out there to discover .All the comforts we have were destined to be found.. But there was never a guarantee He would see you through to a magic number that was meant just for you .  A lifetime can be any amount of time. but never infinite.  

So when life comes to an end, I dare not call it pre ordained , but rather on the frailties of our bodies . Life can be so very fragile that when it stumbles because of a weak heart, cancer or any number of things,and there is no one there to try and keep life sustained ,the soul must move on to the next 
stage of its intended path. Our place beyond this mortal earth is full of peace and goodness.

Some rather dubious advantages of being a man.

The advantage of being a man. 

§  Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 

§  You know stuff about tanks. 

§  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

§  You can open all your own jars.

§  Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. 

§  You can kill your own food.

§  You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

§  If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

§  If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

§  Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

§  You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

§  Car mechanics tell you the truth.

§  You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without thinking:    "He must be mad at me."

§  Same work...more pay.

§  Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

*Wedding dress -- $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks. 

§  If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

§  Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice anything different?"
 

§  You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

§  You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

§  You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 

§  The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 

§  You don't have to shave below your neck. 

§  One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

§  You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

§  Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

St Jean, Quebec

Messages for the Soul

This is an old one but it's worth reminding ourselves sometimes. A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: 'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.' He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. 'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion. 

Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. 
He turned to me and said: 'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion'. I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the settee without worrying about anything and just relax. I spend more time with my family & friends and less at work. Money is to be spent not saved. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. I go out with my friends whenever I want to rather than thinking I don't have the spare money or time. The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day....' are fading away from my dictionary. 
; If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now... I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. 
I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. She might have told everyone how much she loved them. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one. If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about. If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days' , remember that 'One day' is far away... or might never come...

No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it. It holds useful messages for the soul.  

AVE MARIA in good sound by Mirusia Louwerse with André Rieu (2008).

Aunt Susie.

Inspiration 365 Day a Year Movie

Inspiration 365 Day a Year Movie

Il Divo - Hallelujah (Alelujah)

Oneness and Non-locality with Deepak Chopra

Anti-Smoking Excuses Campaign

No Smoking

It's 6 am , your sitting on the side of the bed in some hotel somewhere. First thing up, make that small 2 cup coffee maker perk. Back on the bed, pull a dumaurier out of the deck and light the first of many that day. Try and get the most out of it, suck that smoke as deep as you can, until it hurts. And were off to a good start for the day.

We all think of ourselves as being invincible , and thinking not me. We listen to the chatter

we manifest with our family members. We listen through jaded ears when we hear so and so, or uncle whoever is battling cancer. Sometimes we even try to diagnose the cause. Ahh he smoked but he worked in that garage for 30 years. That's what caused it. Anything to deflect the blows. I used to believe my own brother passed away not from smoking but from being overweight.

I smoked for many years. It made me look cool and I fit right in with my friends. I convinced myself I needed cigarettes to help me be calm. A deck a day for sure , many times more than that. That all came to an end one morning at Tim Hortons in Medicine hat when Coffee and doughnut in hand , walking back to my vehicle a lump forms in my throat and out I spew a wad of mucus and bright red blood. It brought me to my knees. From that point on things changed for me. I drove to Maple Creek and back to Calgary that day thinking of one thing only.

Lung Cancer is a tough one to beat. Don't gamble on being one of the lucky ones. Mine was stage 2 and inoperable. I participated in a clinical trial and with The Help of God am still here today.

So if you think you need a smoke, think about all the consequences and the people around you and how what you do can affect them. A cigarette will not change anything. If somethings troubling you or there's issues that have to be resolved , trust me getting back on smoking is the worst thing you can do. Don't smoke, I'm begging you.

Statler Brothers - The Little Brown Church In The Vale

Marty Robbins - A White Sport Coat And A Pink Carnation

I'm awake , and still in the operating room. A surgeon leans over and tells me that if we don't fix it now I'll be back in less than a year. I still don't know what he was telling me, but I consent , signing the form laying on my back on the table. The surgeon snaps his gloves , and says about an hour. The lights go out and I'm gone again. Two operations within a week.

This time when I come around I'm in Icu on the 10th floor of the Foothills. I'm on the newbie side where I get my own nurse who tends to and fusses over me with a trained eye for the next day or so. I am at a loss. There are tubes in my throat , I have drains running from my stomach. The pain is real. The nurse shows me the button that releases the morphine. It allows me to push it every 15 minutes, and not many opportunities are missed. That night is a blur , as is the next day or so.

They come to tell me they're moving me to the other side of the icu , where i will share the room with another and the bathroom with four patients. I'm told the view is spectacular, but I can't bring myself to look at it. The doctors come and go and so far little is said to me about the

outcome of the operation. I wait patiently and little by little I get bits of info from the nurses,

and soon I have a partial picture. I have leakage and infections, a lot for my body to handle. I"m

on antibiotics and being fed through the iv. A tube runs to my stomach keeping it empty and three drains draw the fluid from my leaks and infections. Special fittings massage my legs to keep clots from forming.

Every day is like living in a state of disbelief. between six or seven on the clock , a member of Dr Dixons team and usually a small entourage stops by for a few minutes to offer a little encouragement. Dr Ouelette seemed to offer me the most hope of all of them. He would offer tidbits like " were getting closer Mr Sawatzky * or " I really feel its getting much better" . Then the day would begin with a nurse taking my vitals. Next up the needle for keeping my blood thin. Then if I had the strength I would go for a short walk. When the meals came they passed me by. X rays, ct scans, new sites for the iv , were the order of most days. Bloodwork every night around One in the morning. The people that take blood are mostly asian. I remember one that was an old woman with a face completely white from talc. It floated away as she walked.

I could feel myself getting stronger and for awhile my daily walks were getting longer and easier to do. Then one day it was gone, I struggled to make three short walks a day. My infections were calling for better antibiotics, which they finally delivered. This latest drug did make a difference as I felt myself improve.

After not having anything except ice water for about a month and a half they finally take the tube from my throat and try me on some solids. Its hard to describe how your senses of taste and smell change after that length of time. Nothing is the same. What you used to like was now repulsive. The hospital food was totally disgusting, I couldn't eat it. Toast with becel and peanut butter seemed to be the only thing I could stomach,That and pistachio pudding. Val tried bringing me different things to try , and the result was usually a forced bite or two. Holly brought me a DQ milkshake that saved me for a day on my calorie count. They finally put a tube in and were going to try force feeding me. It didn't work out due to misinformation between the Drs and the nurses. Oh and the tube fell out when I was shaving. So I worked at getting my daily calories.

They finally thought I was well enough to go it alone at Home so after seventy five days I was sent home with one drain still in place. A nurse comes in twice a week to change dressings.

I am grateful for all that came visit. Julie's words of encouragement.advice and those no sugar added candies were well received. Thanks to Michael's family and for his prayer. Holly came from Red Deer every chance she could and I worried about putting her through this ordeal. I know Tammy has her hands full raising my Grandchildren and Im glad she came when she could. Val, bless her, came every day and I know she had her hands full without that daily visit. I wish my stay could have been for something simple that left me able to be more like an ideal patient that was more user friendly. The truth was I was hurting and worried. I did not want to put my family through that.

A visit with Dr Dixon tomorrow..